The Birth Story of Lola Grace

*Trigger Warning* I cried my face off reading this. Birth trauma involved. This is the story of my dear friend Caitlin and her children’s births.

The birth story of Lola Grace

I’ve uhmed and ahhed about sharing this, but so many people have asked me about it, I figured I would. Plus, if I can help one other person, I’ll be happy, 

To even understand what this birth meant to me, I need to briefly explain the last 4 years of my life. My first son was born in 2010. I had two things written in his birth plan. No c-section and I want to Breastfeed. So after a text-book-boring pregnancy, I was induced at 41+3. After 24 hours of labour, 2 shots of pethadine, 2 epidurals, and a spinal, it was decided I would need an emergency c-section for failure to progress, and fetal distress. William John was born on the 06/07/2010, weighing 9lb 7oz, 56cms long, and a 36cm head, and perfectly healthy. My midwife, after hearing his size, loudly exclaimed “oh love, you never would’ve pushed him out, if you had of, he would’ve ruined you for life”. I suffered post traumatic stress, post natal depression, and anxiety as a result of everything that happened. I didn’t feel like a woman, I didn’t feel like my pregnancy journey had ended. I didn’t love my baby, I felt like he was just a baby someone had given me. I had no attachment to him at all. It grew, slowly, and of course, now I love him more than life, but feeling that way towards your baby is awful. Breastfeeding failed by the time he was 4 weeks old because of my mental state.

When William was 10 months old, we were excited to be pregnant again. I was determined to birth my baby naturally. At my first hospital appointment, I was told absolutely not, in no uncertain terms, I would not be having vbac(vaginal birth after c-section). I fought every appointment, they wouldn’t allow me to do shared care because of my “high risk” status, so every appointment was at the hospital. I got a student midwife, and made sure she came with me to every appointment to back me up. I fought hard, mentally, emotionally and physically I was exhausted from the constant fights then at my 38 week appointment, my student midwife couldn’t come, and Damien was home with William. I was on my own. The midwife left the room, and came back with a man I’d never seen before. She told me he was a psychologist, and that he was here to assess if I was “of sound mind to make the decision to vbac”. I was bullied and scared for the next half an hour with talk of massive haemorrhage, hysterectomies, and dead babies. By the time I left, my c-section was booked for 6 days time and all the consent forms were signed.

Harrison James was born on the 27/01/2012, at 7lb 5oz. He was whisked away to special care with “breathing difficulties”. I didn’t meet Harry until he was 4 hours old, and even then, I couldn’t hold him, just touch him through the big plastic box he was in. I ended up with a terrible infection in the c-section site, and was put back in hospital at 3 weeks post partum. Once again, my post natal depression, post traumatic stress and anxiety were all there, hanging over my head like a big black cloud. My only saving grace was being able to Breastfeed Harry for a whole year.

After Harry, we suffered 3 miscarriages. One at 10 weeks resulting in a hospital visit, an ambulance transfer to a bigger hospital, and an emergency d&c for haemorrhage. i was convinced my body was broken.

After going away on an amazing holiday, we found out we were pregnant again. I knew this time would be different. I knew what I wanted. I had the right support, and believed in my body and my baby. I did the pink kit, watched and read a plethora of amazing videos and books that my wonderful doula shared with me. I was set! At the 18 week scan, it was discovered the placenta was touching the cervix, and the baby was transverse(sideways). Two things, that no one can do anything about, that automatically mean a c-section. I was devastated, but some amazing women in my life convinced me to be patient and let me body and baby do it’s thing. I started seeing my chiropractor again at about 30 weeks. He was a life saver, and made sure that my hips and back were pain free which was a miracle! I uhmed and ahhed over having a repeat scan o check placenta position and baby position, but decided not to. I trusted my body and my baby. I could do it. We could do it.

At 41+1 my amazing mum took holidays to help us with the kids. She picked them up the next morning at 41+2. Damien and I went out for dinner that night. We came home and had sex, which at 41 weeks pregnant is a massive effort!!! At 1:58 am, 41+3, I woke to a pain. I knew it was a surge. I timed them for a while before waking Damien, because id had a few false starts. They were 2 minutes apart, and lasting a minute. Damien called our birthing support women. I showered, and pottered around setting up our birth space, while Damien set up the birth pool. Liz and Leonie arrived not long after. Before long, the surges were so strong, I had to really focus on them and make a lot of noise. I hugged Damien so tight through every one of them and his hugs back kept me grounded. Liz gently suggested I hop in the pool, I didn’t want to because I was scared it would make everything stop or slow down. Everyone assured me it was okay, and that it wouldn’t. They also said they thought it sounded like I was pushing. Not possible I thought, It had only been a few hours,I thought for sure, I had heaps longer to go. Wrong.

The pool was bliss. Being weightless was amazing, and I instantly went into labour land. It was incredible. Feeling the surges, and feeling my body working was the best thing ever. Before long, I had to push, it felt better to push. I have no idea how long I was pushing for, but it was suggested that I feel and see if I could feel baby’s head. I could. I cried, and looked at Leonie and said “my body is working!” The look on her face told me she knew exactly how I was feeling. I was ecstatic, my body was working and actually birthing my baby! My baby was coming out of my vagina like she was supposed to! Like nature intended! Once her head was out, everyone told me to breathe, and go slow, but I couldn’t. I pushed again as hard as I could, and my baby shot out right into the water. I looked down into the water and saw my baby’s face, and her little out stretched arms, and instinctively, I reached out and grabbed her, and put her straight to my chest. I’d done it. I birthed my baby. All I could do was cry, and say to damien over and over again, “we did it”.

Lola Grace was born at 6:05am, 4 hours and 7 minutes after my first surge. She was 10lbs exactly, 51cms long, and had a head circumference of 36.7cms. She was bigger than William, and I had birthed her!!! She latched on to feed almost instantly, and has been an amazing baby ever since. Mentally and emotionally, I feel amazing. I’m so happy. I haven’t laughed this much in a long time. Physically, I did have a slight tear, however it’s NOTHING compared to recovering from my c-sections.

After she was born, Leonie helped me shower, and Liz tucked Damien and Lola into bed, poor Damien was exhausted haha! After my shower, I was tucked into bed, and liz bought me some scrambled eggs and a tim tam, I ate, and snuggled with my husband and new baby, in my bed, in my house. It was bliss!

We aren’t planning anymore children, but if we were, they would be born at home. Such an amazing life changing experience, that I Will be forever grateful for.

Disclaimer: This is my story. While home birthing was the right choice for me, I understand it’s not the right choice for everyone. women should feel empowered and informed about the choices they’re making, rather than bullied and scared. Things need to be presented in a factual way, with all angles considered, rather than the personal preferences of that dr. I have friends who chose c-sections are are entirely happy with how it turned out. I also have friends who feel the same trauma I feel about my c-section, about their vaginal births. Birth trauma is real. We as women need to discuss it more, and not shame, belittle, blame, criticise or shun other women when it comes to birthing. So many people tried to tell me “I should just be happy That my baby and I are healthy”, and I was, however that made the grief and trauma I felt, so much worse, because I felt ashamed for feeling that way. We need to just support each other more. <3

This kind of story is exactly why I have started the Birth Empowerment Workshops in Brisbane with Liz. Facebook event here or find us on meetup here.